It’s been so weird taking a step back and just relaxing these last two weeks. I thought I
would at least try and get some blogs in, because sometimes writing is what I need to clear
my head. But being away and just focusing on myself was something I very much needed.
With that being said, I did a lot of thinking these last two weeks. Mostly about my life, my
goals, and where I want to be in five years.
But one thing I spent a lot of time thinking about was living in the right now rather than the
past and what that truly means for people.
So, let’s talk about it.
Throughout my journey of starting my blog and working on my book, I’ve been told quite a
A few times, I need to stop living in the past and start focusing on the future. This is the advice,
I get why people are surprised to hear that I am writing a book about my life, because apparently, me sharing my story means I’m living in the past.
The funny thing is, I feel like right now, more than ever, I am living in today. However, this
is only in one aspect of my life because, truly, I do spend a lot of time living in the past, and
for people with mental health issues, there are significant reasons why.
The most important one (I feel), however, is healing. Most people with a significant mental
health history and a history of trauma live in the past, trying to heal the parts of them that
needing healing the most.
And my biggest issues with this stem from broken trust and what I like to call “fake safety.”
There isn’t a soul on this planet that I can say I trust wholeheartedly. There isn’t one person
whom I can confidently confide in, or someone who I know will protect me, love me, and
Support me through everything. For most people, that person is a parent. I never got to have
that relationship with my parents, and although I was “close” with my mom, there was no
Trust in her.
When I got married, I had this preconceived notion that I would find that in my husband.
That trust and safety now was his job, and I should have those things in him. And then
That failed.
And then I met my current partner and thought in him I would find what I needed. And then
He proved me wrong.
And all the while, I didn’t want to acknowledge that I would only find what I am looking for in
Healing the broken parts of me. Because all of what I feel like I NEED, I need it from myself.
I am a constant perpetrator of “bringing up the past” when my partner and I get into
arguments; that’s his favorite thing to say to me, “Oh, so we’re bringing up the past again.”
And I know it’s something that drives him crazy, but to me, none of the issues I bring
Up are the past because they are issues I still currently deal with today, things that he has
That makes me feel a certain way that I just can’t seem to move on from, a way he acts
that triggers something that I am unable to move past or work through, an event that
reminds me of something traumatic in my past with him, or otherwise, that I need to
Verbalize.
Unfortunately, he gets the worst parts of me, and honestly, sometimes I don’t even feel bad.
Because for years, I got the worst parts of him, and I feel like it’s only fair that he deals with
the parts of me he has created.
But again, that’s because there are parts of me that just need healing.
I am hoping that this year I can focus more on THAT.
I’m healing myself for myself because no one needs to deal with my trauma except me.
I challenge all of my beautiful readers to do the same.
Think about one thing that is triggering to you, big or small, and think of some ways you can
Work on healing that. Think of some ways you can put your energy into being a better
version of you FOR YOU.
We all have things that bring us down; let’s turn them into something that brings us up instead.
You may also like: Gary Cederquist: The Shocking Truth Behind His Conviction
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